Rugby's Grand Sham: why rugby fans are spoofers

Enjoy the grand slam? In Ireland's case, they should call it the Grand Sham.

In Dublin, rugby fans are unimaginative spoofers. They are the equivalent of someone calling themselves a music fan, even though they own only eight CDs, two of which are Dido's.

By and large, they do not feel emotionally attached to their team (or any team). They cheer and woot when 'the guys' do 'the business'. But if they lose, they say: "ah well. Sure it was a nice day out."

What's wrong with this approach?

Everything. It is passionless and unemotional. It demonstrates a complete lack of commitment. It is in step with such other a-sporting attitudes as: "look, it's only a game!" and "for God's sake, what's so life-defining about a bunch of grown men chasing a ball around?"

And this is the Dublin rugby fan. To him (and, as often, her), Ireland winning is just lovely, a nice part of a nice day. Ireland losing? Well, we're not going to let that get in the way of a nice day, are we? After all, there are far more important things to think about. You know, like house stuff and work stuff and organising the holiday. You know, real stuff.

And that's all fine. But the Dublin rugby fan still wants to jump up and down a bit and have a consumer experience of being a sports fan, even just for a day or two. And it's boring, smug and irritating.

And no, I can't just ignore it, because it has now spread, like a virus, into broader society. When I meet people in a work setting, and they're looking for small talk, they now assume that it's 'good form' to choose the topic of the Irish rugby team. (It used to be golf.)

They assume they're striking a cultural chord, that they're sending you a message as to the 'sort' they are, by mentioning Darcy or O'Gara. In fact, they're just making themselves look like pompous, smug bores. (To me, anyway. There are obviously enough airheads out there now to make such an approach work.)

No: you, the Dublin rugby fan, are not a fan.

Because if you cared, if you were a fan, when the team lost, it would ruin your day. Your loss -- because it is your loss as much as your team's -- could pervade your entire mood for days, possibly weeks.

But you're not a fan. You're a harmless twit looking for a nice, safe parental-advisory consumer experience.

And what better sport than rugby? Let's check that fan-application list for the Dido music fan:

Middle-class respectability? Check!
Aspirational? Check!
Safe to talk about in polite company without negative class association? Check!
Completely white and culturally approved supporter base? Check!
Understanding of the rules required for fan status? Negative! Check!
Long term contract required? Negative! Check!

(This last point is one of the key sales points to rugby, I believe. You can just walk away from it at any time. And if the team loses, no-one's putting any pressure on you to talk about it. Or even to acknowledge the team anymore.)

People often point to soccer fans as being 'the wrong sort'. They often point to anger and violence and fighting and other outbursts as proof that it's uncivilised and undesirable.

But one of the reasons that soccer fans -- and I am a soccer fan -- get that way is that they care so, so much about their team and about the sport. If you want to know what I mean, read Fever Pitch by Nick Hornby. (He points out that the soccer fan is not stuck on his team because of loyalty, much as he'd like to take credit for that. The soccer fan has no choice. It enters his blood. He cannot walk away. Or treat his allegience as a consumer experience, as Dublin rugby fans do.)

Having said all of this, I know it will seem incredible that I wish the Irish rugby team well, without any qualification. But I do. Rugby players are proper fans. They're true devotees to their sport. And for all you genuine fanatics out there -- and there probably a few in Limerick and Cork -- this is not aimed at you.

But for the rest of you pretend fans in Dublin, you're really boring.

Comments

[jm]

I had a great moment along those lines a couple of weeks back. A sales guy was in work looking to sell us lots of equipment, and tried to figure out what kind of freebies we'd be interested in; particularly, they had some upcoming event where their customers could meet+greet with the Irish Rugby team. I told him I didn't follow any sport at all -- but was partial to a bit of xbox360. He looked thoroughly stumped, wrote something down, and changed the topic. I guess they don't do corporate boxes for computer gaming....

[John Frazer]

Welcome to the world of the League of Ireland fan.

We've know for years that the Irish have a "big game mentality". They turn up for the sense of occasion. So that in 40 years they can say, "I was there" (though, that doesn't stop those who weren't there saying that either). You can be that these are teh same people who were all out in force in support of the Irish cricket team, having previously not even know there was one.

These are the people who don't understand the unbridled joys of standing in the lashings of rain or the bitterest of winds watching your team get completely annihilated. It's not about the winning or losing, but the being there. I'll admit that I watched the Rugby match today. I cheered them on. It felt good to see them win this high honour in their sport. But that feeling was nothing compared to the feeling I had after Shels beat Waterford on Friday night. That was a horrible, boring game. Had these band-waggoners been there, they would have left after 20 minutes.

I've learned that the trick to these people is tell yourself that they'll be gone soon, but until they are, that your club will gladly take any money that they are willing to throw at their new found passion, so that the club can continue on for the real fans.

I'd also recommend reading "We Don't Know What We're Doing" by Match of the Day 2 presenter (and mad West Brom fan) Adrian Chiles. It reminded me that, despite all of these mass bandwagon jumpers who attend 1 or 2 sporting events per season, there are other true fans out there who support their teams in ways so ridiculous, they make me seem like a light-weight.

[Gerard Cunningham]

I'm not so sure you're writing about Dublin rugby fans. I think your post is about Dublin fans. My code of choice is GAA, but I played and followed soccer since I was knee high, and I can remember watching grainy black and white Five Nations games on a black and white Pye television as a kid. I still follow the fortunes of the teams I followed then. With some exceptions (the GAA hardcores, the League of Irelanders, and yes, even some Rugby supporters) it always struck me how fickle Dublin sports fans could be.

Just think of how the number of soccer followers bloomed during the Charleton era, then dwindled again when the losing streak began. Or all those Man U fans who were shouting for Liverpool a couple of decades ago and wouldn't know how to find their way to a Bohs or Rovers game. Or the GAA fans who only show up if the Dubs make the quarterfinals but can't name their local club.

[Darragh]

Completly agree with all the above - these people have no sense of loyalty or passion and are only interested in sport as a form of cheap entertainment down the pub.
Great piece.

[Aaron]

I don't think the money men behind rugby mind all that much. The more people jumping on the bangwagon, the more money there is in the sport; the more money in the sport, the better it ends up for the "real" fans. If a thousand kids got into rugby over the weekend, but only 50 of them stay in it, one of them could end up being a great who never would have been, is another point.

Anyways, I do agree that the national obsession that we become overtaken with anytime we win in any particular sport (anyone remember cricket?) is annoying to say the least. If anyone asks, I (generally) try and avoid the subject and shut down that line of conversation. It's tiresome.

[Aaron]

Ahem, I did, of course, mean "the bandwagon".

[Jason O'Mahony]

You can actually feel the anger coming off that blog. Yourtechstuff? Should be renamed "Weckler's Enemies List"

[Rob]

I enjoyed this. I could never be described as a sports fan but I am happy to shout at the TV when any Irish team dons a green jersey. I am almost the fan about whom you write except that when out in public and queried about sport I never admit to liking it at all. Although I can appreciate the beauty of a ball being curved around a wall and hitting the back of the net and will occasionally watch Premiership highlights to watch these magical moments I genuinely do not have what it takes to be a fan.

I like sports fans. I admire their tenacity and I particularly admire fans who stick with a team who have not been successfully in years or decades. And when a team turns to the good I am happy for their true fans.

There is only one fanatic I truly despise. One type of idiotic mind numbingly boring wuckfit that I cannot abide, that is the unrepentant fan of all things Apple. Euughhh!

[Pavement Trauma]

Do the > 11,000 season ticket holders at Leinster fall into this category?

[Ross O'Carroll-Kelly]

Roysh, that's like enough of that sort of talk there Adrian. I've been following the lads since way back when and I have the battle scors to prove it. Like that time when O'Driscoll spilled an entire pint of Heino on my Abercrobie and Fitch gear after I'd done a monster spree on the J1.

Up the 'Rock.

[Beelzebub]

The 11k Leinster season ticket holders are aspirational status seekers. Roysh I have a season ticket at the RDS don't you know to see Drico and the boys